The Holidays

They say the holidays can be stressful for many but the stress may intensify for parents who have lost a child. Jason loved Christmas and enjoyed helping mom each year decorate as dad would just watch. The death of loved ones throughout your life changes traditions so you must create new ones. Sometimes they help but they can never replace. In a child's mind can they receive too many gifts? Only parents can answer but we are suppose to set limitations and expectations but may be at the mercy of an out-of control Santa. We think we did our best for the 32 years we shared Christmas with Jason. The gift we do receive every year is the memory of his smile and his joy of opening gifts and being with the ones he loved.

The Nutcracker

A music teacher called me this week to substitute and I informed him that even though I love almost all forms of music, I have a hard time playing the radio and do not even own an I-Pod. He stated that would be fine and that we could show a Christmas movie. So for six different classes today, we watched "The Nutcracker". As I always tell the students, Mr. B. (my teaching name) always learns, so what did I learn today? I learned I will not sub for kindergarten or first grade, they have about the same amount of self-control as Mrs. B at an estate sale, that I was truly impressed with the music (Tchaikovsky is one of my favorite composers), and will probably have nightmares about tutus. All the male students were not impressed with the male ballet dancers but I had to inform them that those guys were just as conditioned and practiced as much as any sports star.

International Lights

This past Sunday, December 14th, we lit a candle in memory of Jason. This was the annual International Lighting Ceremony of The Compassionate Friends and our chapter is located in Plano, TX. The chapter was started in 1999 and the first lighting ceremony had 54 children to honor. This year we had 260 and each day it grows. It has been said many times that it is never expected that a child dies before a parent but it started with Adam and Eve and today 20% of parents throughout the world will lose a child and even sadder is that many parents lose more than one. Our chapter founders and leaders epitomize compassion and never limit our time to share the story of our children. So this week I spoke from a perspective of having been without Jason for over 5 years. The emptiness is forever present but the emotion is not as raw as some others in our group of over 30 attendees. I told them I know that Jason would not want his death to define us but to inspire us to assist others while they travel this dark journey of grief. Jason showed so much courage during his 32 years that I will be damned if my goal to honor him everyday is ever weaken.

Education

I read a very alarming article in the newspaper last night and it was about how the USA educational system is failing. The article stated that the Baby Boomer Generation was the last best-educated group. They documented this fact in that we now rank 10th in the world in our educational pursuits. It is also documented that 1 out of 4 children will drop out of high school and with the twice the rate of inflation growth of college costs less students will be able to afford to pursue degrees.
In my second year of substitute teaching, I have found the primary and secondary teachers working just as hard, committed while on campus and even work at home but stymied by the ineffective national and state testing requirements. The expertise they gain while in college, the skills they possess from their dedicated commitment, and the daily tolerance they display are utilized to gain recognition not to actually teach the child. Many of the astute students will excel but many students that need just a little more will not. The baby boomers had a solid foundation built on reading, writing, and arithmetic and that is the reason the majority of us graduated from high school and college. I feel another key element that is missing is the unification of the parent and teacher to focus on what is the best way to teach their child and to agree on mutual support for the entire year. When 40% of our new teachers leave in the first four years, we have a problem that hurts each child. As parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles we should not accept a decline in educating our children. When was the last time you called to thank the teachers and ask what can you do to make sure your child learns each and every day. It is never to late to start.

Miss America

1976 was a big year for Jason. He traveled throughout Texas and met many nice people. He liked being the center of attention and I know he enjoyed being between these two beautiful ladies, Phyllis George and his mother.

Need I Say More!

I wrote earlier in the week about Jason being a "Little Big Shot" and telling everyone he was the Texas poster child for the March of Dimes. They say a picture says a thousand words.

March of Dimes

Jason was the March of Dimes poster child for the state of Texas in 1976. He was 5 with a perpetual grin and always love to let everyone know he was the state poster child. For many years he would ride in his own car in the annual Tyler Rose Parade. I use to call him "Little Big Shot." One of the days he really enjoyed was a trip to the state capital in Austin. There he met the Governor at the mansion and had a personal tour of the kitchen with cookies by Janie Briscoe, the wife of Gov.Dolph Briscoe. That night when he arrived home, he ran up to me and said "Daddy, I met Mrs. Crisco." This photo is of Jason and his new friend, Mrs. Crisco.

Tis the Season

Thanksgiving was our holiday. Jason was always with us unlike Christmas when he usually would work or sometimes ill. His last Christmas was in 2002 and he was suppose to fly to Dallas. We were all flying to see Grandmother in Fargo.( yes there really is Fargo,not just the movie) After a doctor's visit, he was grounded due to severe sinus infection so he stayed with friends in Colorado Springs. His mother and I flew to Fargo for a most enjoyable holiday visit with June, her mom and Jason's grandmother. Jason and June never saw each other again so as we approach what can be a joyful but stressful time, I just adjust my attitude and realize I create the action or reaction to any circumstance.

Dedicated to Education

Since Jason was limited in physical events due to his blindness, he quickly realized the arena of academia was a place for him to excel. He entered school at the age of 4 and was enrolled at the University of Northern Colorado at the time of his sudden death. So for 28 of his 32 years he was committed to education. We were not surprised when he went into teaching for he had found the niche that he had been preparing for all of his life. The enclosed photo shows Jason at 12 deep in thought. More than likely he was contemplating a math problem since math was always his favorite subject.

Be Careful What You Ask.

The morning before I left to sub for a third grade class, I noticed a national icon was 80 years old that day. So before I passed out some stickers for good class work. I ask the class if they knew who was having their 80th birthday, today. The resounding response was "You,Mr. B!" I replied "No, do I look 80?" One young man said "You do look at least 70." Then a sweet young lady stated "You look closer to 60 ,Mr.B." Guess who received two Mickey Mouse stickers? Mickey was the 80 year old.
It never hurts to be humbled by the perceptions of a class of 8 year old third graders.

To Honor

When I have the privilege to talk about my book and tell about our son Jason, I always tell everyone this is another way I honor his life. Many of the groups are chapters of The Compassionate Friends and the poem "To Honor" was written for our chapter in Texas.

To Honor

When they look down upon us, do they like what they see?
Are we honoring their memory the way they would want it to be.
Do they know that even though they have died that we will never be apart?
Do they know they are with us always, forever in our hearts?

As a parent we try our best to prepare them for the day we would leave,
Were they not preparing us for their early death that we could never see?
If life is a lesson and everyday is for learning then we must go on,
Because the love we share for our child makes the bond we have eternally strong.

Talking about your child can help ease the pain as you share precious memories along the way,
Reach out to others when they join us on the road that is paved with sorrow, tears, and pain.
Let them talk and you just listen to what they really need to say.
Then take what you have experienced to help them make it through the days.

Let me go, I need pie!

This is Jason at the age of 3 as he anticipates another Thanksgiving feast with his Papaw and Mamaw

Thanksgiving 2008

Thanksgiving was the family holiday every year. It was Jace's favorite due to being with family and also the one time each year he could be assured to have Mamaw's pecan pie. The last holiday we shared with him was in 2002 with a group of his friends in Colorado Springs. It is forever etched in our hearts. Today, we are both thankful for the love that Jace still provides and for the love and support of our family friends. We live a good life and have indeed been blessed.

Let's Try This Again.

It has been awhile since my last post but Jason is continuing to inspire and enrich my life. His mother always said that she cared for him the first 18 years and that the second 18 would be mine. When he died at the age of 32, I felt cheated but was I ever wrong. I decided to start substituting in the elementary schools in our city and have felt the joy and energy from all the students. It is actually a great experience and one method I am using to continue to honor our son. Another gift we receive each year compliments of his alma mater, Stephen F. Austin State University, is the introduction of a new scholarship student. The scholarship committee is so stellar that each student has not only been an excellent scholar but has become a new friend. Even though Jason would be 37 now , I still had him for the full 18 and what is even better today, now his mother and I can enjoy all the memories of his life and the new memories he is introducing together for the rest of our lives.

In future posts, I will share some of the events of my days in the second through sixth grades. It can be humbling, amusing, and sometimes concerning.